


Have you ever had wheat cakes?

by Spideypoolhell



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, spideypool - Fandom
Genre: Blowjobs, Domestic Bliss, Ficlet, Food, Happily Ever After, Love, M/M, Pancakes, Peter Parker's favourite breakfast according to Aunt May, Peter actually makes Wade pancakes for once in a fic, ass eating, sweet fluffy romance, that's canon, what the fuck are wheatcakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 10:27:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9230834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spideypoolhell/pseuds/Spideypoolhell
Summary: Peter Parker makes Wade Aunt May's famous wheat cakes.The way to anyone's heart is through their stomach.





	

Wade Wilson had grown up in cold ass Saskatchewan near one of Canada's tiniest metropolitan cities: Regina. As much as he wished he lived in a place he happily referred to as Vagina, Saskatchewan, he instead lived in a small town in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere.

Home had come in the form of two alcoholic parents who were constantly yelling at each other. The small handful of kids in his neighbourhood weren't so bad, but all they ever wanted to do was play street hockey. Wade's choice of activity after school was to either play hockey outside or stay locked in his bedroom blasting 80's pop music on his headphones and reading comics while his parents warred over who was going to provide dinner.

Wade read a lot of Captain America and Captain Canuck in his youth but his favourite comics were Archie, Betty and Veronica and Garfield. The latter comics in particular taught him old-fashioned values, like how the way to a man's (or cat's) heart was through his stomach.

Wade would often go to bed with a painfully empty stomach and dream of growing up and one day finding happiness and romance. Also, food. Wade would cook for his future lover the way he so often tried to do for his parents when they were mad at each other and he just wanted them to be happy and at peace.

Of course, the course of true love never did run smooth. Wade Wilson was hopelessly in love with Spider-Man and the two men constantly bickered. However, it was more silly, witty banter than hate-filled screaming. Wade prayed they wouldn't end up like his parents.

Deadpool insisted on feeding Spider-Man constantly, repeating the mantra 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach' like a magic spell in his head. 

It started out with late-night take-out after action-packed adventures, because Wade wanted to provide a never-ending supply of food and friendship to the man he adored. Sitting down to eat, when their lives weren't in mortal danger, their conversation became more light and jovial. Although, they still teased each other about everything endlessly, giggling like kids.

Then they started going out to restaurants in their costumes, because, as Wade said, they were literally unbeatable and could do any awesome thing they wanted to do. Wade suspected Spider-Man had a bit of a rebellious streak because all his superhero colleagues were warning him about being seen with Deadpool in public. Spider-Man was always game to go to a restaurant with Wade, and there were so many great places to eat in New York City. People would stare at them and they would just talk more obnoxiously loud and sarcastic as if they were putting on a show for the common folk. They pitied the plebeians for their inability to have a good time because wearing a costume in public all the time and not giving any fucks was fun.

Then one night, Wade took Spider-Man back to his apartment to nurse his battle wounds. Spider-Man ended up sleeping in Wade's bed for two days in a row while Deadpool happily slept on the couch and cooked his favourite meals for his favourite person.

So, they started eating almost all their meals at Wade's, Spider-man would clean and try to help by chopping vegetables and Wade would cook and hug Spider-Man far too often in his kitchen. What surprised him most of all was that Spider-Man always stayed held and slowing started hugging back.

Spider-Man gave Wade a deal: if Wade kept his mask off when they were in private, so would he. So it became that Peter Parker formally introduced himself to Wade Wilson and the two men would practice just being able to talk to each other while looking into each other's eyes. Everything about their relationship felt new and different now. Wade was blown away by the fact that Pete always looked at him warmly and smiled back at him.

They ate their meals together with their masks off. Peter wanted to prove to Wade that he could watch him eat and not be disgusted. Wade would look shyly down at his food and Peter would always smile at him encouragingly. Sometimes Peter had the gall to try feeding Wade. Wade always felt embarrassed, like his heart was going to explode and end up on his dinner plate, then Peter would finally vomit. Except he never did.

“So, what should I cook for dinner tonight?” Wade asked Peter even though it was already three am and technically morning. They were both wearing their suits but without their masks.

“Wade...” Peter took a step closer and tenderly put his arms around Wade's neck, lowering his lashes seductively and blushing, “I wanna eat something, but it's not food.” Peter gingerly kissed Wade, which turned into a steamy, five minute make out session before Wade regained his wits enough to ask:

“Woah, wait, if you don't wanna eat food, you're implying you're hungry for... Dong?” Wade resumed sucking on Peter's neck.

“Well, obviously,” Peter rolled his eyes. “but I was implying eating ass, to be honest,” Peter's face was several shades of scarlet.

“Holy shit, Parker, we've just had our first kiss and we're already at ass-eating levels of intimacy?” Wade barked with laughter, burying his face in Peter's neck. “Petey, I'm shhhyyy.”

“OK, listen, I'm going to have a shower, and, if you want, you can join me. If you get shy, I'll close my eyes, or we can dim the lights. But, we probably shouldn't close our eyes and dim the lights while we're in the shower because that would lead to disaster,” Peter laughed and took Wade's hand, kissing it and leading him to the bathroom. After Peter stripped for him and entered the shower Wade had no choice but to follow.

Needless to say, they both ate out that night. Along with a variety of other ways of touching, tasting and making love to each other.

That night Wade had a vivid dream. Hundreds of images of Deadpool in his frilliest aprons making Spider-Man pancakes, as if a thousand people were urging him on to make pancakes for his boy. 

Wade woke up with a start. He had never made Peter pancakes because whenever Wade asked him what he wanted to eat for breakfast it was always bacon and eggs, or huevos rancheros, or a smoothie, or some other request that wasn't pancakes.

Then Wade noticed he was alone in bed and his stomach sank and heart ached. He hid under his blankets. Ten seconds later he heard Peter's voice at his bedroom door.

“Hey, little boy,” Peter said in his fake creepy voice, trying to be funny. Wade giggled at him and peeped out from under his covers. Peter was wearing nothing except for Wade's oversized t-shirt which was white except for a heart-shaped Spider-man face in the middle of the chest. Wade's heart and stomach flip-flopped and his dick hardened at the sight because that shirt was barely covering Peter's junk. That and Peter was holding aloft a plate of pancakes.

“Do you like pancakes?” Peter smiled so adoringly at Wade that Wade felt like he would die of cuteness. 

Of course, Peter knew Wade loved pancakes more than all other breakfast foods because Wade had said so and also confided that Sunday mornings were the only day his parents would seemingly get along while his mum made pancakes. When Wade's mom discovered she had cancer Wade would make her pancakes at every opportunity. Wade tried not to think about this while he looked at Peter and tears threatened to fill his eyes.

“I love pancakes,” Wade courageously revealed his face from his mass of blankets and smiled back at Peter.

“OK, but have you ever had wheat cakes?” Peter came over to Wade who sat up in bed and made a space for Peter to sit next to him.

Wade laughed, “what the shit are wheat cakes?”

“Basically pancakes, but with whole wheat flour instead. Aunt May's famous wheat cakes!” Peter exclaimed as if everybody knew about Aunt May's wheat cakes when nobody did.

“Um, where did you find whole wheat flour in my kitchen?” Wade glanced briefly at the wheat cakes which looked a bit darker in comparison to regular pancakes but he could simply not take his eyes off Peter's crazy bed-head and the streak of flour on his face.

“I can't find anything in your kitchen so I swung to the grocery store in my Spidey suit and was back with all the ingredients in, like, ten minutes,” Peter cut up some pancakes with his fork and fed it to Wade.

Wade tried not to scrunch up his nose at the dry texture, intent on loving these pancakes made with love. Not bad, but not great either, and there was something else different.

“What the fuck is that?” Wade said ungraciously with his mouth stuffed, pointing at the dark brown syrup on the pancakes. Wade gulped. “I mean, it tastes really good, but it's not maple syrup. Blasphemy!”

“It's basically just brown sugar, butter and a small splash of water melted together. It's good, right?” Peter said like it had better be.

“Yeah, yeah it's good. My pancakes are still gonna lick your pancake's ass, though,” Wade fed himself more wheat cakes, swallowing thickly.

“Like last night?” Peter took a moment to kiss Wade in between mouthfuls.

“Yeah, like last night,” Wade growled, kissing Peter and not really caring anymore about the pancakes between them.

“Hey now, you have to eat alll the wheat cakes,” Peter put a halt to what he knew was going to turn into non-stop kissing and then probably sex. “Gotta get your wheaties, that's how you become strong like Spidey.”

“Then why aren't you eating any wheat cakes?” Wade continued eating even though wheat cakes were already a disgrace upon pancakes in his mind.

“I tried making three heart-shaped pancakes and they all failed miserably and I ate their sad remains. Probably didn't work so well because wheat cakes are slightly more grainy and crumbly than regular pancakes.”

“I love you,” Wade blurted out and instantly regretted being the first to say it.

“I love you too,” Peter looked at him in a way that made Wade believe it, “but I'm not kissing you until you eat all the wheat cakes!” 

Wade resigned himself to shoveling more wheat cakes into his mouth.

“Hey Petey, ever had a blow job while eating pancakes?” Wade tried to imagine he was eating delicious pancakes even though the wheat cakes already felt like a brick in his stomach. He had eaten worse food, after all.

Peter laughed and fell beside Wade on the bed, “no, have you?”

“No, wanna give me one and combine my two favourite things?”

“OK,” Peter shrugged nonchalantly, down for anything. Wade squealed. 

Wade wasn't sure what happily ever after felt like, but damn, if it wasn't getting head from Spider-Man while eating his weird ass pancakes he didn't know what was.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never made wheat cakes in my life. This is what I assume wheat cakes should be. I do love that brown butter sauce, though, and I prefer it to maple syrup. I am Canadian, but not obsessed with maple syrup by any means. There are so many better things to put on your pancakes. My hubby just made me pancakes and god they look weird (still tasty). He covered them in bananas and made a sauce with chocolate and a bit of milk.
> 
> Has anyone ever tried making this recipe?  
> http://teddyandtheyeti.blogspot.ca/2010/02/spider-mans-wheatcakes-recipe.html  
> It looks intensely grainy. Still, the outcome of the pancakes would depend on the quality of the flour. I would probably try and find a good pancake recipe and replace the white flour with some good quality whole grain flour that still has a fluffy texture and use just that. Or, oat flour might work well (I think it would be better than buckwheat for texture? Maybe?). I think sifting coarser flours would probably be a must. I will report back with an anecdote if I actually try to make wheat cakes. Does anyone reading this like to cook pancakes?


End file.
